Hello World,
*** DISCLAIMER*** I recommend you listen to this or if you read it, imagine i am sitting across from you using a nice smooth voice. it will be easier to follow. You can watch the recording of me streaming, demonstrating how I think and produce my content here. Part 1. Part 2. This is meant to be an example of how my brain works, not yours. This is from my perspective, figure out a way to step into my shoes and see what I see. To clear the video will show you creating this blog posts, I would suggest watching part of the videos at first an then come read or listen to this post. Enjoy!
My name is Mikey, I am an Autistic Savant and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I am also a Veteran of the U.S. Marine Corps. My disorders and disabilities do not define who I am, I define who I am. Due to the multiple identities I have, you can call me Mikey, Mike, RAGE, Coach, Coach RAGE, I don't care what you pick, all sorts of people know me by each one, I just ask you be respectful. Thank you in advance.
Today I am going to do something that most people consider to be weird. This blog post is LIVE right now on my stream. You will be able to watch me live switch back and forth between Mike & Mikey, and maybe a little bit of RAGE, but don't worry he only gets to rage when I game. Mike kicked his ass and keeps him on a leash now. He is under control, the only other time he gets to come out and play is in the bedroom. LOL.
Mike is going to be playing Zombies to get warmed up and WE will both be listening to my RAP Playlist, sorry everyone, I use Apple. Suck it. Mike has always been the athlete in me, he was formed at a young age, I remember the day I told my abuser that I wanted to be called Mike for now on. We were living in American Canyon, California on Elliot Drive, which at the time was so small I always considered it Vallejo. We lived right down the road from the Vallejo city limits sign. I told her in the house one day that I wanted to go by Mike for now on, and that was the day I went into hiding from everyone, no one would help me, so I had to learn to hide my behavior and intelligence and never show the real me around my family. It became very lonely for me after that. I didn't come back out of hiding until that night of gaming with Matt & Chris.
After the abuse started as a young child, my family started joining in and I couldn't understand why. My big brother was a witness to what she did and my father wasn't protecting me. He became her enforcer, whenever I stood up to the BITCH, she knew I could beat her ass if she crossed the line when I was a small child. She has known this day right here, of Christmas of 2024 that this day would come, I had a vision in front of her and saw the outcome of what was to come for her, she has been afraid of me everyday since then.
This is why my Dad had to become her enforcer. She couldn't control me anymore, so she would say "Wait till your father gets home." He however could beat my ass, so I would be held down and given the belt all for standing up to the BITCH. The look on his face was the mask of disgust, I used to think it was anger, but as I learned to read people I figured it out that he was disgusted with himself for having to discipline me the way he did sometimes. There were legit moments I should have been held accountable, but some of it was for HER. I could tell me didn't want to, but he was forced to somehow. I saw that.
My Dad did what he could to help me under her nose. Remember she had Power of Attorney over me, my Dad had no way to fight for me, but he could do was teach me to regulate and how to control my emotions and keep a poker face. He ramped up his efforts because she was threatening to have me committed. He did a great job of teaching me to control it all, I had to be disciplined from that point on not having any reaction good or bad because it would tip her off. This is why those that know me as Mikey see me "cool as a cumcumber" I learned to not let anything bother me, it took the power away from those who targeted me. That is when I started making people wear the MASK. Mike learned to internalize everything my entire life.
My Dad used to take me to the store sometimes and he would use this as a moment to work with me on everything. I could see the urgency of me learning this in his face, so I knew it was very important to him and it was in my best interest to or else she was going to lock me away.
My abuser talked openly in front of me to others. She has always thought I was mentally retarded and treated me like it, even as an adult, she couldn't understand how I was able to afford and F-150, and then my 2016 Lexus RX F-Sport with the Mark Levinson sound system. She is fathomed by my ability to learn and remember things, she doesn't understand I have always been cognizant. Anyways, she openly talked about the Power of Attorney, and how no one could help me or else I would be committed. This dumb bitch doesn't get it, let this sink in, not only did I have a library at school where I read a lot and started researching things, we had an Encyclopedia Britannica set at home. Guess where I looked up and learned about Powers of Attorney? She is dumb, dumb, dumb dumb, dumb, dumb dumb dumb.
I always knew why my family did what they did, I forgave my Dad, Brother, and Sister then. I knew it was in my best interest to live my life as Mike. I did have moments where I disassociated and checked Mike out, there are some dark spots in my memory that I have yet to address. That will be down the road, but I disassociated anytime I got disciplined or anytime I got picked on. I can check out anytime I like, but there used to be times I had no control over it. I checked out when I first moved to Elko, I had threatened to go to the authorities, and my life was threatened that night.
I checked out in high school for a long time too, Mike was in control and just reacting. I checked out when my son, Tyler, passed away. My first wrestling match after his funeral was in a small town in Eureka, Nevada. I wrestled at 189 pounds. To this day I feel bad for what happened to my opponent. I picked him up from behind and slammed him down with the force of RAGE. He needed to let it out, he needed to vent. He put his hand down and locked out his elbow to brace for the impact and RAGE showed up out of nowhere, that ANGER and his locked out elbow, caused his elbow to shatter. I felt so bad. The kids in towns like that get to wrestle and then have to go perform their duties on the family farm, his injury impacted his family's business too. I wrote a letter to my Dad when I was in the Marines. I had RAGE continuing to show up, and Mike couldn't keep him in check anymore. I told my Dad about the elbow incident and that I needed this monster out of me.
When I got out of the Marines, the first thing my parents did was take me shooting. They made it very clear that they were armed and had conceal carry permits. There was a day they came over to my house in Elko, when they entered my home without knocking, I got up to see who was there, and their body language and looks on their faces, was the same kind you see in movies and tv shows, when a someone is looking for a dead body. She wanted me dead then and has always wanted me dead, Mom's don't do that do they?
Even during this INCREDIBLE FLASHBACK JOURNEY, she openly said right in front of me, "Why can't he just die?" She has never been in my corner, she has been fearing being held accountable. Her day of accountability was meant to be earlier in life, but I carried so much rage in the Marines that it effected my career, so I learned to release that hate and forgave her when my Dad's mother passed away. I never told her I forgave her, but I did.
The victim can not be the one to bring it up, it doesn't work that way. That is why I gave everyone one last chance to do the right thing. I wanted my family, I wanted to be accepted by them, so I took the initiative to do the RIGHT thing once more, and I ended the estrangement from my family in 2014. I tried having relationships with them the past 10 years of my life, every time I thought I could let my Brother into my life, I would take my MASK off and act like myself, and his response was to not accept me each time. I did the same thing with my Dad and Mother. Eventually my Dad saw it was me, Mikey. I tried reaching out to my sister and I would text her these long messages about how to fight her auto-immune with science based research and she took it as NON SENSE. Nope, that was me using my IQ that is higher than her credit score, lol, just teasing her right now.
I knew my Dad was already suspicious that I was reaching out, he saw it and felt it. It was all over his face. I knew then that I could use our shared experience as PATRIOTS to bond. He served 23 years and 1 day in the Submarine Service. He rose to the rank of E 7 incredibly fast. He retired as the Command Master Chief of Mare Island Naval Shipyard. His mind is like mine, he doesn't realize that he might be Autistic, but at the very least he is neurodivergent. Just calling it like I see it. He was a Nuclear Engineer for the Gato, Pogy, and Hammerhead. I even commissioned a piece of art to be made for him, it is a canvas print of the Pogy underwater. Mikey gave that to him, but I had to go by Mike on the outside, for reasons I have already stated.
I knew that bitch was after me in 2012. They would go out of town, and I would look for intel while they were gone. I found evidence of her efforts to have me committed. By the time my Dad and I had sat down for our weekly burgers I had already found more evidence of her efforts to have me committed with in the past nine years. She told my FWB about me. I have always known it was "game on" with her. She has to be the dumbest criminal in the world. Like I said, I am always at least10 steps ahead. Back to the burgers, I started using this time with my father to show him Mikey, I had to ease him into to it. Once he realized it was Mikey, he was THRILLED, I will forever remember that smile.
I started going to burgers with him for two reasons. I wanted to get to know my father now that she couldn't manipulate him anymore, and I had to let him know I already had the police involved. She lost a long time ago and doesn't know it, so I wanted him to help me save my family. He tried convincing everyone that her day of accountability was coming and that they need to do the right thing.
My sister slowly started believing him over time. I am not sorry for reporting you, but I am sorry for the stress it caused. That feeling you felt, was what I had to put up with from her my entire life. I just wanted to give you a taste of what I had so maybe you could understand me better, just imagine that every moment of your life, but at a level where it was my freedom or life on the line. It wasn't a personal thing, I still love you and want a relationship with you and the girls.
My Brother didn't believe him either, it wasn't until they arrested jackass that he had his moment of realization that everyone else has when people realize I am cognizant. It was written all over his face. I could see it on my Dad's face. They asked me some questions and I gave honest answers to them. This is when they had their moment where they think they failed me. I told them they didn't fail me, and that I was here to save them, that they were all forgiven years ago. That we needed to save Mom and convince her to do the right thing.
For the first time I had my family's supports and love. It felt GREAT. It makes me cry thinking about it. I can feel it and is so beautiful and amazing. That is why it cut so much when they had cut me out of their lives on social media. I got out of the first facility I went to rest and audit in. I was looking forward to picking up from that moment with them, and it HURT so much for them to have blocked me. That was my only line into their lives, it meant something to me.
It HURTS so much to have this beautiful feeling that they had just given me just ripped away. I couldn't even get a chance to share the entire plan with them, to laugh with them, and HEAL with my Big-Little Brother and Little Sister. I am sorry for all I have done through out our lives. If you two, & Mom ever want to have a relationship with me again, you will meet my expectation of how to treat people. You destroyed me for 10 years, and I forgave you all over and over. Yet you are afraid I will make examples of you. You make examples out of you, not me. I just share my thoughts and feelings in a public domain. If anyone see's this, it is you who made the example out of you. I could have destroyed your lives for 10 years if I wanted to, if that doesn't prove I want a relationship with you, then what does?
Mom, Brother, Sister, this is who you have to accept if you want to be in my life. Please continue to process what you are going through, but we are wasting time by not getting over all of this. She knows how much she needs to compensate me, I even emailed Pop last night and gave her a discount, as well as what is to come after I testify. She can choose the discount, the current amount, or me dragging her into a courtroom and subpoenaing EVERYONE, and this will just continue.
We can all start having fun and making memories or you two can continue to feel disgusted. You are also stupid about your social media, I have always had pseudonyms for other accounts. I could have done to you what I did to her, and at anytime, but I haven't and won't. If there is one thing that stands out about me is that I am a Man of my Word. I did that to her, and its on camera with the police as to why. They recorded my ENTIRE story, they watched me relive EVERYTHING, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I did that to be pre-emptive in isolating her so I could close the walls in on her. The one thing she fears is how she looks to others. Narcissist hate being called out in the public. They feel DISGUSTED with themselves for their INAPPROPRIATE behavior.
I would never do something so cunning like that to you two. I LOVE you two, I have been wanting to share my life with you ever since I got out of the Marines. Brother, do you remember the day we gamed online together for the first time and you heard me speak? I was always present, that was Mikey, but like I said, victims can not be the ones to bring it up, it has to come from those who abused, or it might not be genuine. That is why I kept giving you two dipshits chance after chance, and then Dad finally had his moment of realization, that smile, god, it was beautiful to experience.
Brother, I told you I that you were forgiven at Christmas. I also told you that there was more and Pop was supposed to fill you in. There is always more to this bullshit. The only people that knew I was going to the facilities to audit and REST were the PROPER AUTHORITIES. I worked with the Executive Director when I was Board President of Disability Rights Idaho. I eventually brought her in and told her to contact the Chief of Police to learn the rules of this fucked up game.
Shortly after that I purposely did something inappropriate and asked her to hold me accountable in the MEANEST way possible. I told her to treat me like "she" treated me growing up, and I told her to use the "Big Baby" tactic, and she did a great job. She triggered me to take the next step in in this process. It is PROCEDURAL memory. I had programmed myself that when certain events and treatment happened I would react and move on to the "next step."
If you have been watching from the start, this has been step-by-step, second-chance after second-chance. I promise you this is all planned out, and you can still be in my life. We can pick up where we left off, but you are either going to be loyal to me and rise to my standards or you are not.
You are missing out of something special if you don't want to be around me, and that is okay if that is what you want. I want my family too laugh and smile again, to include her, but you all have a decision to make. This is your moment right now to decide, and then its done. I know what comes next for me after this is over. My life is going to change, and I want you all to be part of that, I want you to experience what comes next FOR me, with ME. You do you, boo boo, I'll do me. Regardless of what any of you decide, I love you. Everyone but her is forgiven, we can have a family with or without her.
I know there are rules about contacting me, so if you want to be sneaky, make an alternate account on X, Tik-Tok, Instagram, or Twitch account and get my attention in a way I know its you without knowing its you. Be creative.
I can't sue her for what she did to me growing up, but I can hold her accountable and press charges and sue her for personal injury for her efforts to manipulate me, gaslight me, meddling in my life, and the efforts to have me committed. By modern laws, that is called "Abuse of a vulnerable adult." Those are all recent and still with the statue of limitations. There is always going to be a next step for her. I promise I am done being in the ring with her. Suing her is the last step and she has two more opportunities to compensate me for the abuse and attempted murder at a lower price than I am going to ask the court for.
This is what defines my character. Mike is as much apart of my real Identity as I am. He got to use my gifts, talents and intelligence. Mike is the one who learned to drive while I hid, he also learned to play football, wrestle, and trained in Krav Maga. Mike also served in the U.S. Marine Corps. He stands for all the RIGHT things all the time and refuses to back down to BULLIES. Mike also stands up for those who can't do it for themselves as well. I can't count how many people WE have put in their place for their treatment of another human being. He is the LEADER in me, the one not afraid to STAND OUT and do the RIGHT THING whenever it needs to be done. He is the one that helps everyone, that puts everyone else first. A lot of people know me as Mike. I controlled Mike, I gave him the directives, he makes sure that I regulate, and is protected and doing the rights all the time. I also control RAGE now. He is what fuels my PASSION. The emotions you experience reading these comes from that PASSION.
I promise you both, this was all planned out and on camera with the police that I wanted to give you a chance to do the right thing, you still have that chance. I wasn't 10 steps of ahead of her, when I ended the estrangement I had this all planned out. I had to be 10 years ahead of her so I could have every possible outcome calculated. I estranged myself and started planning how to give you all chance after chance, but also to beat her if she took this path. I didn't want this outcome, I wanted you all to do the right thing 10 years ago, 9 years ago, 8 years ago...
If you have any questions or comments email me at TheCoachRAGE@gmail.com
Thank you,
Mikey