Not all of my life with my father and abuser was horrible. There were good moments too. My Dad was gone a lot as a kid, he rode submarines and eventually became a Command Master Chief of a base, both required him to not be home as often as other dads. However he has always provided. After my wife and I got pregnant in 2007 I actually sat down and wrote my father an email telling him how much I loved him and how much I wanted to be a Dad like him. There is a part of him that is a softy & generous, and he helps people all the time. I just didn't get to meet this side until I was an adult.
As a little kid he would try to play LEGO with me, we also created a utopia playing Sim City on my Super Nintendo, complete with a balanced budget. He was the first person who taught me how to defend myself from bullies, I was never allowed to throw the first punch, but I was allowed to finish it. My Sophomore year of high school I wrestled up a weight class on the varsity team for the season and had earned a "letter" for my jacket, and he actually shook my hand and said I am proud of you.
While driving home on leave in the Marines my car broke down eight hours away from home and he met me in Vegas, made it work till we could get it home, and paid for the repairs for me, as well would make sure I had enough cash on me to go out to the bars. When I got out of the Marines, they showed up at Camp Pendleton and towed the same car home for me.
When my wife and I moved to Boise, he took off work and drove the Uhaul, helped me unload it along with my brother and his first wife. When my daughter died he didn't hesitate to be by our sides and do whatever was needed. When we moved to Kansas he took off work and drove from Boise to Emporia in a Uhaul and didn't ask for me to cover the cost involved. He also hired labor to unload the truck for us. When I lived in Kansas they came to visit and he gave me a blank check one day and said to let him know how much I wrote it for so he could make sure money was there to cover it.
In the more recent years when I have needed to borrow his truck or needed an extra set of hands he was there. He helped me move our house (belongings) into storage so we could get it ready to sell, this included trips to the storage shed in the freezing cold in January at odd hours of the night. On top of that he changed EVERY outlet in the old house, and has helped with countless other projects. He has rode along with me on the four hour trips I take to visit my doctor. He has given my friends' kids rides in his Shelby Cobra as a favor for me. He came to some of my equine therapy sessions and even participated in it for his own mental health. I had a panic attack in Walla Walla, Washington while in a hotel room that resulted in me going to the ER in an ambulance and he followed the ambulance and sat by my side the entire time. I can't tell you how many times he has picked up the check for myself and others.
In 2021 we did our own "Best of Idaho" burger rankings and would get a weekly lunch somewhere that one of us picked out, we took turns picking up the bill, and were able to connect not only as Father & Son, but as Veterans as well. I feel I got to know him a hell of a lot more than I did when I was a kid. I gifted him a trophy with a giant burger on top, and engraved with a list of our rankings for his birthday gift. This is my favorite memory of him thus far. He has even tried to get me to wear a hat that says "The only good Marine is a submarine." I am a Marine, he rode subs, LOL...
I was asked why I continued to associate with my family all these years if I was bothered by what they did. My response was that I set it all aside so that we could have relationships. My desire to have my father and brother in my life is important to me, and if it meant setting aside what my abuser did to me so we could have a relationship, I was willing to pay that price if that is what it took to have them in my life. I didn't stand up to her until she tried to have me committed, and my father was the one warning her that she was making a mistake and it was going to blow up in her face. He tried fighting for me. My only regret is not telling him sooner that I have been Mikey my whole life, I wish I didn't hide inside from him for as long as I did, we could of had a lot more fun, still can.
"Pop,
If you are reading this, I still love you. I know we had a plan with the "road rage incident in Arizona," I fucked that one up. However, I gave her several chances since February and she refused. None of this is on you, and if she is taking it out on you still, you are more than welcome to come hang out anytime. I know you are stuck in a hard spot and trying to do your best to keep your family together. I see that. I'll make this easy on you, you don't have to face me, you already have, I just want you to be my Dad. When you are ready to get another burger or take me to see your childhood home, or any other adventure, I am ready. Take all the time you need, but keep in mind we don't have a lot of time left on this planet together.
Happy Father's Day!"
Love,
Mikey