Hello World,
In this post I am going to talk about the control measures and manipulation tactics my abusers employed. I mentioned in a few different posts about being called "big baby" and the public humiliation my abusers would use to control me. Let me ask you this, if you were having any problem at all, would you want your family, coworkers, friends, or even strangers belittling you and dehumanizing you, especially in public? I think that is inappropriate to do whether someone has disabilities or not, but like I say, what is appropriate and inappropriate is a matter of opinion.
I could always tell who my abusers told about me because I would be treated differently after that, as well as they would all give me the same look as everyone else did once they found out about my Autism. There was always a change in behavior and facial expression whenever they found out. As an adult they did this to try and keep me isolated because they knew I was cognizant, and if I was isolated from people then there was no one who could help me go to the authorities, so they thought.
Another control measure my abuser used to keep the extended family in check was the power of attorney she held over me. Due to my father being deployed a lot, they made sure that my abuser had power of attorney over all three kids as we were growing up. Back then health facilities didn't always respect the mother's wishes. There were several times where she would threaten to have me locked away in a facility if the family did anything to help me, she used it as leverage over my father too, it was one of the ways she was able to keep him in line if he refused to be her enforcer. This is called an "abusive guardianship." More examples of inappropriate behavior from a narcissistic psychopath. My father and siblings were victims in this too, yet complicit at the same time, which is why I gave everyone one final chance to do the right thing.
Back to the use of the "big baby" control mechanism. In front of me, she would tell my friends and their families that I hated being called it and if they had any problems to resort to it. Of course I did my best to behave because its the right thing to do, but I also had extra motivation because who wants to go through that. Let that sink in though. She would openly admit she knew it bothered me and used it a lot, not only that, some of the others in my life chose to use it too, absolutely disgusting. I had kids in high school call me that, people I thought were my friends treated me that way, even when I wasn't having an episode or was being inappropriate. Shame on all of them.
After I got out of the Marine Corps I started coaching at my alma matter, Elko High School. Some of the players and training staff would say the same thing to me, so even after I served our country, my abuser went to the head coach at the time and told him how to manipulate me. This spread to the players and the training staff. One night at a game against Reed High School, I refused to do something, and the girls on the training staff started to call me "big baby" so I asked them if they thought that it was appropriate to treat anyone like that, and the looks on their faces was the same look people would make when they realized I was competent and aware of what was happening. During this same time period, one of the coaches I worked with, Marc but everyone called him "Suye," would draw pictures that made fun of me in front of the students and players, when I confronted him he blamed Luke, so I took it upon myself to tag Luke's truck with washable paint that said "I like boys" all over it. This sent a very clear message to all the coaches that I would stand up for myself and the extents I would go through to prove my competency around them.
My 1st wife gave me the same expression when she found out. The day she found out, my abuser said "I need to talk to you" and took her upstairs. When they emerged an hour later my wife had the same expression as everyone else when they found out, but she never mistreated me. In fact when she came to me and said my brother reached out about my borderline personality disorder, I knew they were trying to flip her on me, so we ended up divorcing. I couldn't trust her after that.
After my divorce my abuser begged and pleaded for me to move back home again. This was because she wanted to keep me under her thumb and this was when I found out another attempt to have me committed. I did end up leaving Elko on a weekend they were out of town. At this time in my life I did need to get my feet back under me so I agreed to move home and I started coaching at the high school again under Luke, who moved up the coaching tree, and keep in mind he started his teaching career off as a special ed teacher.
During this time, I did invite my abuser and Bill to a therapy session at the VA in Boise. Bill took the day off work and rode with me, and at the end of my therapy session he asked to speak to my counselor alone, and when she remerged, she had the same look on her face. Once football season started Bill showed up at the 1st annual "Steaks & Stogies" fundraiser and had a private talk with Luke and then left. Luke had the same expression on his face as all the others, but he knew from before I was willing and able to stand up for myself, so he was told something even more sinister than the others. Luke told his d-bag friend and fellow coach, Bryan. Now keep in mind, Bryan is still employed by the Elko County School District as a teacher and coach. Bryan and Luke both chew tobacco at practice and they also borrow and lend tobacco to the players that chew too. Bryan found out about me and thought it would be appropriate and funny to verbally abuse me. At first I played along, but like everyone else he had to be taught a lesson, and he almost got his bucked tooth face beaten by me. The day it culminated to a point that I said enough is enough, he had me in tears in the coaches' office and then made the comment "Look, the big dummy doesn't even know he's being picked on" and at this point I was already visibly shaking with "RAGE" ready to pounce. It took another coach, Shane, to let Bryan know that I was cognizant. Bryan apologized so quickly after that, but he did it out of shame and fear of getting his ass kicked. Bryan also got charged with felonies at the start of his teaching career in Elko, he would get drunk and beat his 1st wife.
I didn't want to quit on the kids or I would have walked away, but once the season was over I booked it out of Elko as fast as I could and came right back to Boise. My abuser was actively trying to have me committed, Bill was meddling and trying to isolate me, and the coaches office was incredibly toxic. Once I was in Boise I got an apartment and started dating, at the time I was Facebook friends with Chuck, and any woman who I befriended on there or started dating, he would reach out to and tell them about me. Then I would get ghosted by these ladies. I soon decided to estrange myself from my abusers.
During this time in my life I was already a Mason from Kansas so I joined one of the local lodges in Boise and met some great men. One day one of them had come to my house and was hanging out and tried to talk to me about my Borderline. That was very odd to me, because I never told anyone there about it. He could have just saw the symptoms in me and made his own conclusion or the other possibility was that my abusers reached out to the Masons to try and have me isolated from them too. I wasn't sure so I quit the lodge but maintained relationships with Masons who I felt I could trust. I didn't want to carry hate in my heart anymore and forgave my abusers one more time and wanted to give them another chance, so I ended the estrangement. My roommates at the time were, and still are Masons. One day, Bill, pulled one aside for a private talk, and when they reemerged, my roommate had the same expression on his face as everyone else who found out about me. My roommate who is also my Masonic Brother and Brother-in-Arms never treated me any differently though, his character is what any brother should strive to be to their brother.
It wasn't until I had broken up with a girlfriend that my abuser made her next attempt to isolate me. She contacted my girlfriend and told her about my Borderline and told her to stay away from me. What my abuser didn't realize was though we broke up as a couple, we decided to remain friends with benefits, so of course she told me what was in the message, is that appropriate for a parent to do? Even after this I chose to be forgiving and keep the peace for the benefit of all of my family.
Fast forward from there to my suicide attempt where my abuser told me she "needed to have a conversation" with my current wife, and I let "RAGE" respond to her in my kitchen and told her she needed to leave. That was the day I decided enough was enough and decided to give everyone of my abusers one last chance, and as I have mentioned, my father, Bill, was the only one with a backbone to do the right thing, the rest of them were only looking to cover up their own involvement.
Chuck was there when my abuser tried to murder me, and yet he chose to meddle, he chose to call me "big baby" all the time, he could have said no as an adult, but he made his choices and even when I told him that he was forgiven, he chose to be even more of a bigot. Angela was gaslit and lied to about me, but she chose to treat me the way she did and she chose to allow her family to treat me the way they did. Though both victims as children to all of this, they were complicit in the abuse as adults. I still want a relationship with them, but it will be on my terms only for now on, if they can't rise to my expectations of how to conduct themselves, then they will never be welcome. Both are pieces of white trash until they grow up.
As you can see, this is what abuse, control, and manipulation can look like. The funny thing is as an adult I let them think they were manipulating me. They did abuse me, but were never able to actually manipulate me. My tactic was to let them see what they wanted to see, think what they wanted to think, then after some time I would then try to be myself and see how they would react, and like clock work they would panic and start abusing. As an adult I did have to skirt a line, because when an entire family or abusers can go to a court and say the same thing, it is usually the one with the diagnoses that loses and gets sent to a mental health facility. I eventually started doing things on the internet under pseudonyms so I could hide my identity. This includes having alternate accounts on social media, they only ever knew about my main accounts.
I would also always be honest about people in my life, and they just laughed at me. I used to play video games with NFL football players when I was in my 20's & 30's, they supported my "Coach RAGE" character and helped give me ideas for content. Two of the NFL players have Super Bowl rings. More recently, I gave my abusers a chance to invest in the first Moon base & logistics company, and they refused to believe anything I ever said. I was able to get my wife & I, our son, and some of my friends to invest in the Moon Base. We will all have a very nice return on our investments, it is backed by Elon Musk and some of the same investors that invested in Space X. The look on my abusers' faces when they realized they missed a legit window to invest in a company like that was priceless and hilarious. I will save those stupid looks in my mind for the rest of my life so I can get a good laugh in anytime I need one.
The picture used for this post is from the other day. My naturally curly hair is almost where I want it in length. Bill did try to protect me as a child. As a young child I used to have longer hair but those who physically abused me would drag me around by my hair, so he started making sure I had it cut short all the time, he also gave me my first boxing lesson, as well as taught me ways to regulate myself. As an adult I always liked my hair short, plus if I grew it out too much, it would have been seen as "Mikey" by my abusers, so I kept it short. Now that I am finally free from them, I get to grow it out.
If you know of anyone being treated the way I have described, or something similar, don't be afraid to stand up for that person. I know that can be a scary thing, so if you need help, reach out to me and I will have your back!
Thank you,
Mikey