This will be a fun post to read, I am going to explain how Mikey, Mike, and Rage exist. I was born Mikey. I have always wanted to be Mikey but because of the abuse I endured and the bleach going down my throat, it became apparent that I would always be a threat to my abuser's freedom. This brought about the first split of "RAGE," who would show up to protect Mikey. Then I finally made the switch to Mike. Mike was whoever I needed to be when I needed to be them, football player, wrestler, student, Marine, Mason, Coach, son, etc. However inside Mikey was dying to be heard.
I learned to control RAGE at a very young age, I had to, however we all have limits, we all have triggers, and we can all be manipulated. I also learned never to show anyone Mikey because they didn't go to the police, so from my perspective they were okay with what she was doing, so as a little kid I made the transition to Mike around everyone and overtime Mikey faded into the background.
For the most part I made it through the Marines with few issues, but it was hard, and college I was doing my thing in my apartment, regulating, clean environment, late night productivity, sexiness with the ladies. This allowed space for me to be Mikey. At this point my childhood was behind me, I was Mikey most of the time in college but went by Mike because I knew Mikey couldn't be exposed.
It wasn't until my daughter died that I had my next "split" but it was "RAGE" who showed up because of the emotional pain I was in and I let him run the show for a long time. This led to me self-sabotatging. At home I was Mikey still but miserable and people who came around me had to deal with "RAGE" this ruined my marriage, a lot of relationships, and this happens to a lot of people with Borderline.
Then the damnedest thing happened, I estranged myself from my parents and what do you know I started getting healthy. I started being Mikey on the inside and out, and in fact my friends, the Masons and Shriners in Boise got to meet Mikey, I still remember the Potentate calling me "fucking nuts."
Then one day an ex-girlfriend told me about my borderline personality disorder and that she was warned to stay away. At this point in time I was speaking to my parents and trying to have a relationship. I felt my abuser was trying to isolate me from good people that accepted me. Fast forward to 2020 and after my suicide attempt my abuser said she was going to have a "talk" with my wife about me, and RAGE let her have it in my kitchen. At this point I had already confided in the proper authorities about the abuse I endured.
Then I found out she wanted to have me committed, because she is afraid I would seek revenge. She thinks I want to physically harm her, I would rather share my truth with the world and expose her. I also refused to use my genius and show her I was happy. I gaslit her, I had to. My entire adult life I have been Mikey with my friends, privately, but because of the complicit behavior of my family I could never fully be Mikey, and when I would try to joke around and be Mikey I would get told to go home, not welcome, etc..
In order to do my advocating work, I have to be Mikey, and Mikey is a threat to the freedom of my abuser and I can't live with the feeling of her having a firearm or trying to commit me again so I have to stand up and draw the line in the sand. I have cut ties and contacted the authorities to press charges. Mike is no more. I refuse to be him. I have total control of who I am at any point, I can summon the roar of RAGE or the sexiness of Mike at the drop of a hat, I choose to be myself.
Do you know who you are? Are you sure?
Thank you,
Mikey