Hello World,
I just got back from another walk, check this out. When I have the unwanted flashbacks I become highly productive, how many Autistic people do you know who pace? Streaming, writing, this... this is me pacing, the blog only started in May and I feel I have made some progress.
A few years ago I attempted suicide to end the emotional pain I was in and went to the authorities. I remember a reporter even showing up and sitting down in front of me whose only purpose was to record me. I sat down and made my first disclosure then and there to Boise PD, my therapist, and well other people. The point is I tried giving her chance after chance and I told her I wouldn't go to the police. She really did offer me money but said she would not say publicly what she did.
My Father pleaded with her to listen, because he has been by my side since almost day one. I remember crying on his shoulder talking about how she wanted to kill me and I felt she seemed irritated I wasn't successful in my suicide attempt. This blog you are reading started off as text messages with me probing my family and escalated into what you see. The world saw me defecate myself on a video to get the attention I needed and the world thought I was crazy, I sent mass emails to anyone who has met me, I sent text messages, I even made facebook post and tagged all of her friends, and then boosted the posts so the world would see my story. I mean I did everything inappropriate I could think of to communicate what she did.
At Christmas I purposely conducted over 30 hours of EMDR on myself in front of the world with little to no sleep, people came & went, some supported me and some tried taking advantage of me. Everything has happened the way it has happened for a reason, her. My team knew that what I was going to do was dangerous to do to myself which is why I told police, mayors, everyone that I might need a hold and consented that I would go if they felt I needed it. The world has been watching me not sure what to think. I know that. Some people believe me, some people think I am nuts, some people don't know what to say.
How similar are these post to all of the emails people got over the years, or texts, or facebook posts? I don't know how to explain how my brain works without sounding nerdy or egotistical, but its different, I can recall things because I experience this. I have been saying for years what was going to happen, the part I left out was the police involvement from the get go, as well as the amount of emails and details and who I sent them too. This blog is almost a shot for shot remake of December, which is a shot for shot remake of the mass emails I sent, which was a shot for shot remake of the mass text messages I sent. At each point this has snow balled and involved different people, so at least there are witnesses to certain parts, and as I said, anyone can now go do a FOIA request on case number NSO 24001264 at the Napa County Sheriff's Office and see what my Brother told the investigator.
Here is a list of some of the people I have contacted over the years involving my story, they can verify what they want to verify. Boise PD, The Chief at Meridian, my equine therapist, lawyers, mayors, family members, friends, and my uncle that feels bad for her actually told me on the phone the other day "I wish nothing but the best for you" I got the sense he is tired of this and wants it to come to an end, we all do. Don't you?
I hope I have proven why and explained myself to those out there who have been curious as what the hell is this. Its not about proving you wrong, or being right, its about a much bigger picture. I would love it if people who have been involved want to come forward and vouch for me, I'll give you a guess which one on that list is going to the NAPA DA for me to explain that this is very real and their perspective from the time of their involvement.
I don't know what happens next. You can check out the blog and if you go to the very first blog entry you can see where I started with creating the blog about this and the progression I have made, you will see the typos, the things that appear crazy, but I consider those portions a rough draft for the post that make sense. That is being weird, not crazy. If you want to, you can read these post with as much or little of any emotion you want. I am at peace.
I think I have proven once again that I am a highly productive and capable person when I need to be or want to be, remember I do have diagnoses and need accommodations. Right now I need to be highly productive because I want to get the blog to a point where I can focus on developing another part of my concept. Feel free to watch me on a stream or approach me in person, if I want to talk I will talk, if I don't want to I won't.
I can rewrite this and create art from it anytime I want to because I draw from the emotions I felt and when I felt them. The only thing that has changed about this story as I have told over the years is it keeps getting longer because I keep living longer.
I am not even being mean about my story this time, well not trying to be. I am just sharing the fact as boring as possible to soften the blow to the ones I love, because I know they will be reading this and they were crushed at Christmas, and thats not what I want. Out of respect for our conversation at December, I think this has been pretty vanilla this time around, what do you think?
This is my life's work, this is my "Van Gogh" Exhibit. This is my art, my pain, my memories, my communities, my everything but my wife, all tied into one. I won't be talking about her again, our life is private, but my life is public. I need to create that separation.
This picture is me during COVID, wearing a Krav Maga shirt, with one of my favorite pieces of my work hanging behind me.
Thank you,
Mikey