Hello World,
I want to be clear and direct about a few things so we are all on the same page. One, almost every blog post about this is me having a flashback and reliving it, keep in mind I have had them my whole life and I still might have flashbacks the rest of my life, I just won't be angry about them anymore once I finish all the therapy. I have to process what happened, ALL of it, and then acknowledge and accept what it has cost me every time. I can speed up the frequency of flashbacks by talking about this or writing them, but I can't stop them from happening when they are not my choice. The good news is I am healing very well. No panic attacks since December, and these are way easier. I am channeling this energy into the blog this time around so that people can read this without my voice and emotions put to it. It takes less energy from me to type than to talk about too.
Two, My Brother does believe what happened to me, because he was there, he has a hard time believing I forgave them all and moved on. During this journey he did promise me that if I went to the police that he would tell them what he knows. Christmas I went to the wrong jurisdiction, and had a panic attack while being so sleep deprived and undergoing my EMDR. He has fulfilled his promise and has always been forgiven, he did speak to the investigator and we are currently waiting on the NAPA California District Attorney case number NSO 24001264, to make a decision on pursuing charges.
Three, If my blog isn't an appropriate place to put my life story, then I don't know what other medium to do, however I know a lot of people have doubts about me, but what changed in the blog that I haven't said in any other video when I have talked publicly about this. If you are reading this, you made the decision to be here, I don't want to hear about being appropriate or not. If the District Attorney declines to move forward then my only recourse for justice is what I have done, stood up to her, in front of the world, and said I am not scared of you anymore. She is terrified of public judgement, the idea of people staring at her and thinking about what she did bothers her. If the legal system fails, I still got a conciliation prize.
Four, I owe apologies to a lot of people, to include the staff at Disability Rights Idaho the Board members, and PAC members. I know my mass emails were inappropriate, however my back was truly against the wall and I would do it again in a heartbeat, it was my only move at the time, go public to as many people as I know, and trust me, you were not the only ones that got my story, a ton of people did. I am not sorry about doing it, I am sorry about the stress and headache it caused. I know you are overworked, understaffed, and doing your best. I don't think any of you understand the gravity of the damage done to me and why I went the route I did, but if you read all of my blog, it will make sense and if you have questions ask them. I heard plenty of you say "don't encourage him" and I know some of you think I am like all Marines, and blah blah blah, none of that matters, I did something that effected you and I am sorry for that. Here is a secret, not all of you thought it was inappropriate, some supported me.
Five, I had to resign because of the stress of having to address my abuser. I have to resolve this, and now that we are over the hardest part life is getting a lot better. I am still functioning with my national coalition, and I am building an audience and being the first person on twitch to use it as a platform to advocate and share a story like mine, no one else uses twitch the way I am. I have made about $1,000 just off streaming so far, and have sold a whopping eight items out of my store. This will take time, but the future generations that want to fix civil rights AND mental illness are using Tik Tok, Discord, and Twitch. The people that got our culture in this mental illness crisis are using Facebook and Instagram. My point is the future are the younger generations.
Six, Regardless of what the district attorney decides the damage is done and I truly don't know if I will ever have relationships with my Brother (he is unsure right now), my Father (who is trapped) or my Son (who is unsure). Life is what it is, I go to bed and wake up with a clear conscious and totally regulated every day. I am down to just physical symptoms of anxiety, and I am okay with that. As I have said I am always Mikey on the inside, I might be acting differently on the outside, but when I need to get to work, I get to work. Those that have seen me in action know this, those that don't, eventually you will.
Seven, I have also contacted an attorney to ask him to help me sell the rights to my story. I want to be able to do some philanthropic things in my life and I am going to need some cash to do it. Hopefully what I have put together with the blog, website, and streaming ties together and shows the world the different looks of Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder. My parents offered me money at Christmas, and I said no to it at the time. After recovering the past few months I finally went back to them with a number of 200K. She apologized to me in the facility, but since then has gone back to her ways of lying, gaslighting, and manipulating.
I have also started a dialogue with Senator Crapo's office about updating the PAIMI Act to help address modern issues. We have a Zoom scheduled on the 11th, I will write a post for my Civil Blog about my ideas and the outcome of our meeting.
Her presence around me is a trigger, as sad as that is, you can read about why in other blog posts, but its true. As I said I made a promise to hold her accountable, I feel I have done that. All of the artwork from here on out will be my work or pictures of me.
I know what I am willing to stand up and fight for, and willing to live with the consequences. Can you say the same about yourself?
Thank you,
Mikey