Choosing Words Over Violence: A real life game of CHESS. CHECKMATE.
After the suicide attempt in 2020 I kept reliving what she did to me. Every bit of it, the plunger up my rectum, the beatings, all of it. My body still carries the trauma from it. I had already known she wanted to commit me, and when I found out that there was an actual effort with intent I knew I had to recover so I could stand up to her and end this once and for all. I want JUSTICE & ACCOUNTABILITY for what happened to me.
- Over the past three years I would expose myself and mention something that only "Mikey" would do, and their reactions were their "tells."
- I had to relive all of the trauma I endured my entire life over and over searching my memories and they would be a panic attack. I would recover and get back after it. My whole family tried to warn her that I was here my whole life and she needed to make amends but she refused.
- Even when my Aunt had her suspicions about me, the way she looked at me in the car after I did a quick flash of Mikey. (Kiki, this is the same person who wrote the eulogy for Reva).
- The really funny and ironic part to me is the chair I use to make videos used to be my abusers. The day I went to pick it up she looked at me, made a comment, I responded, and then she muttered under her breath "Oh my god he's going to figure it out." The rocking of the chair helps me regulate, it was the last piece of my puzzle to recover.
- I let my abuser think I have been "using" thc so she could make her assumptions as I started to stand back up to her in the past few weeks.
My next steps in this process is to continue to build the stream, develop "the_Coach_RAGE" into a known name that stands for Mental Illness Justice. After my son graduates from college in four years we will be selling this house and moving far away from here.
Going forward in order for me to be myself I will have to keep strict boundaries which means I will not allow myself to be around certain people, places, or other triggers that could be a set back for me. I have already lost one friend over my position, and I am okay with that. People lose friends all the time.
Thank you for reading,
Mikey