I hurt on the inside. It kills me so much to think about the damage done by her. I am sitting her talking with my wife about the blog and telling her how hard it is to live with all of this; how hurt I am by losing my brother (his choice) and my father (the abusers casualty) in this. I started feeling sad about my brother so I texted him, and I emailed my father, but I don't think they will understand the gravity of the situation and how all of this effects me.
I miss them both deeply, so I am going to copy and paste the message I sent my brother and his wife.
I am sorry everything came to this. I talked to Christine today. She believes me. Well at least tell me she does. I get why you got me blocked. Like I told you I have to relive every step, every moment to include getting mad at you during the time in my life that I was. I’m not. I k ow you will never believe that, don’t know hat else I could do to prove myself to you if I haven’t the past 20 years. Anyways, the investigator said his report is filed and it’s up to the da to press the charges. I am currently waiting their response. Know I love you and if you can do some simple math and realize you got nothing to fear from my by now, I don’t know what else I can do. But I have proof with the police that I wanted to go on the hold in December from when I kicked this whole thing off. I really did go to them years ago and with everyone’s help and encouragement to stand up to her, I got to it. I really am sorry it had to go down this way. But I also have 60gb of messages saved from my first iPhone…. Like she’s fucked. Oh and if I wanted revenge I would have told the world a long time ago what your nickname in high school was and why. I have always had your back except when I thought you were on her side. Sorry.
If you don’t remember, I called your nickname in Raleys in Vallejo, when we were shopping with her, and you got mad at me and made her tell me to stop saying it. Ive been quite since then about that.
The police really did take me in an unmarked police car driven by the two that fucked up on my rights, and they took me to a facility where my therapist son worked, and one of our psychologist worked, I was supposed to do the heavy lifting there and just get out right away, but I was so tired and stressed out that I couldn’t keep it together in front of the judge. Then at the facility it took 3 weeks for them to believe me, and then a week to process me, they said their main concern that I got rest, I pushed myself through some pretty big limits to do what I did to my brain, but its healed every time, its like going to the gym at this point. Every word in my blog is true. I don’t know how much you were told by dad but I really did go to the authorities years ago, I just had to heal my brain to the point I could handle the stress of standing up to her. You have no idea how many times I have had to do this to myself to get strong enough to recover. It has sucked and it has cost me, I would like for it to have been worth something and not cost our relationship. Fuck we used to watch the shield together and piss off Sara.
I have also contacted a lawyer and a media company about selling the rights to my story, hopefully something bites, either way I am going to keep on advocating and raising hell to make the world better. I see the way I go about doing things and proving my points makes me a RADICAL not crazy.
I fucked up at Christmas and went to the wrong jurisdiction, and I could have gone to American Canyon right away, but I ended up on the hold longer than anticipated. Oh well, then when I got out I had to heal, and I wanted to give her another chance, I really didn’t want it to go down the way it has, I feel bad for Dad. Like I told you all I have to do this, and I haven’t had a panic attack since December, but since I went to the wrong authorities at Christmas I had to do it one more time with the right authorities. And I had to make sure I recovered from Christmas.
I really do have six months to twelve months of recovery in front of me from this point and if all goes well I can close the chapter of a lifetime of trauma.
I told Christine that Danny saw the Coach Rage side of me when I gamed and assumed that was me all the time and Derek saw me in person, and the coach rage side and saw the difference, so Danny is too stupid to see that, so he feels bad for her and believes her about me. When Derek was here he broke out laughing and said “Rita is fucked”
You were always forgiven, and if you did get involved and tell the investigator anything, thank you, if not, thank you, either way it doesn’t matter if you did, I feel better finally making it this far.
I used the blog and the Ai voice, and laid off on the streaming and making clips to remove any emotions being conveyed, so it was black and white text, or a robot saying it, it is all just thoughts, like a living journal in my mind, anyways, ill quit blowing up your phone, remember this is how I talk, i hope you respond, if not, I can say I tried and I will leave you alone Goose.
Well, Fuck I miss you man. I miss Dad too.
Thank you,
Mikey