I want to explain how I out smarted my abuser and also put myself on an involuntary hold, and why I did it. A quick recap of previous blogs, I attempted suicide in 2020, and my abuser who has meddled in my life as much as she could over they years told me she wanted to have a "conversation" with my wife, just like other relationships she meddled in. I chose to let RAGE yell at her. This prompted her to try and commit me because she doesn't want the truth to come out.
She was going to do the same thing in 2012. When they would go out of town, I would gather intelligence, and part of that I found out that if I didn't recover from the trauma of my divorce and act how she wanted she would have tried then. I packed my shit as soon as football season was over and moved to Boise and estranged myself from her and my father.
After my suicide attempt I was in rough shape. However in the hospital I came forward and made disclosures about her to the proper authorities. Then after I barked at her I found out about an attempt to commit me, so I started playing opossum around her, but was secretly trying to heal. I was undergoing psycho-assisted equine therapy, EMDR, and in 2022 after I moved around the corner from her I was able to hand pick my mental health team at the Walla Walla, VA, and we got to work on Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) as well as meds, a new pain regiment, and well I started trying to stand up to her.
My sister's teenager called me a big retard at a family function, so I confronted my family, told them I have been Mikey the whole time and once I got strong enough they were fucked. This type of event happened a few times, once at my house where I kicked them out of my house, over at my Brother's I stood up to my abuser in front of people and again I said they were fucked. I would just play opossum and wait for opportunities to hold them accountable. My biological son works for a big time investment firm and borrowed $700 from me and refused to pay me back as agreed so when I went to collect I was told how inappropriate my methods were by my abuser, so I asked her have you told him how inappropriate it is to not pay back debts to his disabled father? The look on her face was "OH SHIT." All of these events and she still wouldn't believe me. Each time I would stand up I could only handle so much stress before the panic attacks came and so I would leave the environment or situation when I felt the anxiety get to be too much.
It was sometime in 2020/2021, I had gone to the authorities and my therapist with a plan to protect me, which included me sending a giant message to friends, the Mayor of Boise, police officers, a reporter, therapist, essentially all the GOOD GUYS and I told them on December 17th, 2023 I was going to try and stand back up to her, and what I needed from each person or agency. That was essentially three years to heal. I chose December 17th because that is the anniversary of my son's death and RAGE usually shows up around then, so I wanted to make sure that if he did, he got help too!
Starting in September of 2023, everyone started doing their parts to include people at the National Association for Rights Protection and Advocacy conference. All of my friends did their part and called me and told me they were on "MY TEAM" which meant that if we went to a judge I could show a judge I had a proper support system that did not involve my abuser. I also asked for people do certain things, like find me on Call of Duty and help me dust off the cobwebs and get my streaming set up moving. Random strangers on the internet showed up to help me when the time was right.
I told the police how I was programed and what keywords to say to me so that I could trust them that I would not be victimized rather than helped. They followed the script to a "T" and its all on body camera too. One even said "all proper measures have been taken" which meant the people I cared about were safe so I would not have to worry about them being harmed. I also told them I wanted to go on a hold and to make me, and if at any point I tried to sue, just show me the videos and emails I made. This was a precaution because EMDR drains you, and I was incredibly scared of my abuser seeking revenge, that I knew there was a possibility of a panic attack.
I picked a facility where my Equine Therapist's son worked as a primary care physician in the mental health wing, and also one of the psychologist thats part of the program worked there too, so there was trust. To top this off two of the female officers who fucked up my hold on my suicide attempt got redemption and all of the POLICE performed perfectly, the two ladies drove me two hours to a facility in the middle of the night in an unmarked police car so I could feel safe from my abuser.
I know I made videos before, I know I made a video showing I shit myself on camera. I did this to raise awareness and also to protect myself. The detectives that came to my aide where from the "Vulnerable Adult" section. I did all of this so that I could stand up to her once and for all at Christmas but had a panic attack, so I had to heal and do this one more time, and well May of 2024 after I gave her multiple chances over five months to be honest and come clean, I stood up and I am not looking back.
I want to thank everyone that rallied around me to help me. Gamers I met 20 years ago helped me, the Mayor, a news reporter was even emailed, the random strangers on Call of Duty who stepped up too! I do want to see the original emails and text messages, even the videos I sent people. I am still afraid of her now, but feel there is enough attention on myself and this situation that she won't try to physically hurt me ever again. I do know if I am around her though, she will try to gaslight and manipulate me.
I told my Dad and Brother I still want relationships with them and they were dumbfounded that after all I have been through I still want them in my life, I still want my adult son in my life and I want to be a grandfather to my granddaughter. The ball is in all of their courts to email me, xlcoachlx@gmail.com when they are ready to have a relationship. I forgave my Dad and Brother a long time ago because I wanted them in my life and they never knew I did that until I told them at Christmas in 2023, I always thought it was implied since I chose to be around them. Let that be a lesson to speak up sooner than later!
My sister's life is full of drama and stressors, and given the fact she taught her kids I am a big retard that is crazy, I don't want to be around her until her and her kids have made the changes to their character in how they treat people. The only person from my extended family I want in my life is my cousin who served in the Navy and is a "Black Hat" hacker for a firm and also has the tism.
As far as my abuser, as cruel as it is, she needs to be held accountable at this point, I tried giving her opportunities to do the right thing, but I can not trust being around her knowing the amount of firearms she has and her concealed weapons permit. She tried to kill me when I was a kid with bleach, would you want any of this in your life? What would you do?
Thank you,
Mikey