Hello World,
I feel so incredibly bad for them hurting right now because of this, but so many people said I had to be the one to do it, and I don't think anyone realized the gravity of the damage that was done to me, and they don't understand how I could have forgiven them. I can't heal if I don't feel a sense of justice over this, especially losing the relationships I lost with my father and brother, and not to mention so many over the years because of this secret.
I feel I gave everyone a pretty peaceful life considering I could have joined the Marines and never looked back at them, gone to the authorities when I was 18, so like, they are old now, I need to live my life and get over the damage and this is what all the experts in my life have told me to do, so I am, I just feel really bad for my Dad, he is trapped in a really shitty position and his frustrations got the best of him when I was at the facility, because I was too weak from the amount of EMDR and lack of rest that I did to myself, I was in really rough shape, so he got frustrated because I fucked up the code word system thing we had agreed to, and so he is pissed at me for saying what I said, but feels really guilty realizing I forgave them years ago.
They didn't realize it, we never really discussed it, I just assumed that my presence was making it obvious I forgave them, and they thought I was brain damaged and forgot about it, and didn't realize how much hate I have in me for what happened that was brought up to the surface because I couldn't keep this inside me anymore, the family kept treating me like a retard and assuming I was checked out, then she wanted to ruin my marriage, she hates my wife, I mean we have our issues, but she was going to barge into my relationship yet again, so I had to heal and get stronger to stand up to her, it took three fucking years of healing to get where I was at during Christmas. Now my Brother is afraid and doesn't believe me, my sister too, my dad said him and I can't have a relationship unless she is in it, and its because of how she treats him, he wants a relationship with me but has to make a choice, me or her.
Then I threw the bomb out the other day that he used adult friend finders in one of my blogs, and I pointed out that she was a traveling nurse, so I know that plays on her insecurities and i never said my dad slept with anyone, but she is hurt that I would do that, he is pissed I did that, this was the FIRST low blow from me in my life, and she was legit going to have me committed after my divorce, and then again after my suicide attempt, so enough is enough, every time I have asked her about my past she has lied, gaslit, and refuses to admit a fucking thing.
I don't know what my brother told the police, but its up to the Napa DA to press any charges. I really don't want her in jail, just justice is all. She refused to believe Bill that I was Mikey and forgave them, she refused, and I refused to be Mikey around her my entire life, so depending on the environment I am a different person, so some see nothing but the retard and some see Me, and everything in between. I wasn't sure how complicit everyone was so Christmas was a bombshell to the family, everyone but my father thought I was a crazy retard because of her. My Dad was the only one who had my back, so I wasted my life chasing relationships that meant nothing to everyone because they all don't believe I forgave them years ago.
All my friends through out life can verify that i have shared my story with them, so people I met when I estranged myself from my family met Mikey, but to my family it has always been Mike. Mike is a split and dead now, so is Michael, it’s just Mikey. They owe me money, its fucked I can't fucking sue because of the statute of limitations, so if they have any fucking conscious they'll cut me a check, either way the damage is done because of her. That 50th wedding anniversary photo is all a fucking house of cards, I told her years ago that I was back and coming for her, and she said try it and see what happens, she was willing to have me committed to keep me silent, she didn't realize I told the authorities years ago and started this process of healing, and now I am at the point I have to move on and do the therapy, which means my blog is where I put my thoughts and feelings so no one can say i am harassing them, if they read it its their choice, and all my communication with them is appropriate so she can't use anything against me, and I have every message on my iphone from everyone dating to 2008.
She is cooked.
Thank you,
Mikey