Hello World,
My name is Mikey. I am an Autistic Savant with an exceptional memory and the ability to recall just about anything I have experienced. As a young child my mother abused me and tried to murder me to cover up the crime. The damage done from her crimes caused me to develop Borderline Personality Disorder, where I had a split named Mike that appeared normal to everyone and was able to assimilate into your society.
As Mike, I was forced into speech therapy, had my tongue operated on, and beaten unless I spoke or behaved a certain way. Around my friends and inner circle I have always been Mikey, but when my abuser has been around I always revert to Mike. This is because she has been trying to have me committed at different points in my life to silence me to hide the evidence of her crimes. I told her when I was a child that I was going to report her to the police and her response was to force bleach down my throat, I made a vow to her then that I would hold her accountable. My entire life she thinks she has been gaslighting me, and has been lying about me to her family and friends. You can read about this in my blog.
Her efforts of sabotaging my life have cost me dearly, the amount of relationships, and opportunities I have lost because of either her or my disabilities is staggering. However life moves on and those that know the real Mikey know the whole story and accept me. I get asked why I stream, why I blog, and the answer is simple. I want to share my story with the world so that we can learn from it, hold her accountable, and improve how we are handling mental illness. My life ties together gaming, true crime, Veterans, mental illness, mental health, and civil rights. Every word in this blog is true and verifiable, wether you believe it or not I simply don't care.
The President of NARPA learned of me a while ago and has been privy to this, and has accepted me into the NARPA family with open arms. Speaking of, if you need continuing education credits, their annual conference is in Portland this September and provides them! My Veteran friends and I have gotten dinner scheduled now that we all have some free time and life is calming down, and well I am happy and sad. Happy for the growth and acceptance from those that allow me to be myself, and sad for the relationships I have lost.
Right now my mother, aka my abuser, is at home squirming, because we don't know if the Napa California District Attorney is going to pursue charges. Over the past few years whenever I would try to stand up to her I would have a panic attack, and she would try to manipulate me by lying or being the worlds shittiest actress, and I would call her on it. She kept daring me to hold her accountable, she didn't think I had it in me to report her to the police, TWICE. I messed up at Christmas and called the wrong jurisdiction, and then in the facility, my father let his frustrations get the best of him, and I wasn't recovered enough until May to stand back up to her.
On the outside we appear to be a great family, but the reality is her damage to me has destroyed our immediate family, and our extended family is split they don't know who to believe. Some only see Coach Rage and assume I act like that all the time, and some have had the luxury of being around me when I compete (game) or when I am in person. They know I am in a good spot, and so, here we are. I feel bad that is has come down to this, when I was in the facility she actually apologized for the abuse, but when I got out she went back to her ways and refuses to be honest, and even let me get basic answers to questions.
Prior to all of this starting my plan was to let them grow old and then share my story, but her actions forced my hand sooner than I wanted and it cost me more opportunities and relationships. I had to resign as Board President of Disability Rights Idaho because of all the stress I was under, I had to give up a passion to focus on my health. Only time heals wounds and only time will tell if I will ever have a relationship with my brother or father again.
My father is trapped because my abuser verbally abuses him, manipulates him, and well it sucks. I had my suspicions but my father confirmed them at Christmas. My brother said he was afraid of me at Christmas and we were supposed to talk over the weekend but I ended up on the involuntary hold longer than I had expected. The plan was to show them I was fine right away, they believed everything I was saying the judge too, however because of the lack of sleep and the emotional draining of the EMDR I was not in the best spot, and they forced me to rest. I have been recovering since I got out, and giving my abuser more chances to come clean and be honest, but the gloves are off. I cut ties with her, and my father was forced to pick a side. My brother I am sure doesn't know what to believe.
I know my story is crazy, but those that know it all can verify everything, and those that are pieces of my life can verify that. I have always been in control, but I do play dumb, and sometimes, I have to be inappropriate because it is the only way to handle what the flashbacks do, but being inappropriate isn't a crime. In fact its a right, we all have the freedom to express ourselves, and I don't threaten people, and I have never put my hands on anyone except to defend myself, if I haven't proven I am who I am by now to people like my brother, I never will, and that is the damage of what my abuser has done.
My life is a glowing example of what abuse looks like. I am trapped in a hell with my ability to recall memories and the flashbacks I have. I have six to twelve more months of therapy to go, and I won't be angry about this anymore, but I will always talk about it.
From here on out, I am Mikey, and I am non-verbal except when I game, advocate, or you are in my inner circle.
Thank you,
Mikey