One thing I want to be clear about is that growing up I had to live a double life. Around my family I had to act one way, and when I was somewhere I felt accepted I would act myself. I had found forgiveness for my abuser a long time ago. I went through my childhood afraid and it wasn't until I was big enough to fight back that the physical abuse stopped, however the emotional side continued along with the manipulation and gaslighting.
I could always tell when my family would interfere in a relationship (of any type) because I would hear the "he doesn't know" comments, bullying would happen sometimes, I would all of a sudden get ghosted, or they would act just like my family anytime I had a moment rather than lend a helping hand to someone in need. I was forgiving then. I have always been forgiving.
The straw that broke the camels back was after my suicide attempt my abuser was feeling so guilty she asked me why I did it so she could relieve herself of her guilt, then she said she was going to have a "talk" with my wife. That was when I showed her the "RAGE" and barked at her in the kitchen of my home and warned her to never interfere or else. The or else is I tell the world what she had done. She was forgiven at this moment still.
Then I found out she was going to try and have me committed and that I know was to silence me. Enough is enough, I had to recover and get stronger and start living my life allowing my Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder to define me rather than anything else I have ever achieved.
Since 2020 I have been toying with her, kind of like how my cats toy with the mice they bring in each night. I have been gauging her reactions, giving her opportunities to do the right thing, along with other family members. My extended family in Vallejo has known I was here for sometime, they all know that this day would becoming for her. When she comes to my home or when she is around me, I let her see what she needs to see so I could keep her thinking she was right. I deserve a fucking Oscar for a 42 year performance.
I have already gotten a phone call from someone in my past and he wanted to talk to me about addiction & having parents in his life. Well hell that was an odd thing out of no where, plus I already don't trust him in that realm because my abuser used him to manipulate me when I was in high school. The only person who thinks I am addicted to something is my abuser. I can go into why she thinks that, but trust me she wants that door shut and out of the privacy of others who I do care about, I will refrain from sharing that for now.
I had forgiven her. I also confronted with words (not violence) and rather than get truth I found myself on the defensive. She can't attack my mental state because the "system" just said I was fine, the very system she tried to use against me. I am ready for the next attempt. I mean she gave me her laptop to use for an entire year (during COVID) but never logged out of it, huge strategical mistake on her part.
Let me ask those of you reading, if you had to endure a life like this, then forgave them, and they still wanted you silenced, would you want that person around you? Do you have any idea how many people aren't able to confront their abuser? How many are forced to spend their lives with their abuser? She also destroyed my signed copy of Rob Wipond's book, however Rob put another copy in the mail yesterday. Canadians are so nice.
Thank you,
Mikey