Hello World,
I love that Gladiator 2 is coming! I love the first one, I watched that all the time in the Marines. I want you three to know that this fight I have been doing is what the Marines instilled in me. They have they best Warrior Ethos, and we model ourselves after the Spartans, so Gladiator was a coolish movie, I like to think of Russel Crowe how South Park depicts him fighting around the world. So in the words of Russel Crowe, "Are you not entertained?!"
I just got back from another walk, and I love the warm weather on the body, I need to find a permanent residence somewhere warm almost year round, and affordable, like New Mexico or something. During my walk I was thinking about how to respond to the claims that people make that I am crazy. I will tell you this! Crazy people can not recall the same details over and over and over and over for 44 years of their lives and keep fighting to be heard, that is called a VICTIM. All of YOUR leading research will support that statement. I am listening to Top Gun right now balling my eyes out writing this one.
What we once had is only on hold right now guys, its only on hold. We will be whole, I have spent my life fighting for you too. Please don't think I haven't thought that far ahead to make this have the best possible outcome at every fork in the road. As I have said this project has been a culmination of my LIFE's work. This is what I do, this is what I experience all the time and this is what I do with it. Its why I graduated college so fast, with the grades I did, and how I made it through the Marine Corps, it has been my fight to feel JUSTICE not revenge, we have ALL been VICTIMIZED by her, and I am not sorry the world is watching this moment again. We all knew this was going to happen, we talked about it, I LOVE YOU, our story is not done yet. We agreed to this moment, and we are OWED to feel this moment. This is a good moment for all of us wether you realize it or not.
Crazy people are not capable of producing of what I have been doing, it is too sophisticated even for most people to realize that this is REAL. I have a disability called Autism, I am incredibly gifted and I USED to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have always had the diagnoses, and I have been ashamed of it. I take a pain patch called Buprenorphine that is a fentanyl level medication but engineered not to kill you, and here is research to support that this medication suppresses the amygdala to reduce the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have been on it for a year now. I would say I have my Borderline Personality Disorder managed, but I will be on my medications the rest of my life. I was even so robotic this time around that I applied for the caregiver support program for my wife again knowing they changed the rules, it doesn't cover mental illnesses like mine anymore. I really do struggle to do the little things, its the big things I am capable of, look at the amount of typos I post that end up fixed.
I was taking this medication at Christmas, that combined with the therapy, I have been doing good for sometime. I sent an email to Senator Crapo's office years ago and I asked them to get me a specific doctor, who I was lucky enough to have read about in one of my Psychology dives. I don't know if they did that for me, but it worked out that when I told the VA it was time, she was assigned to me. I don't want to put her on the spot, but she is one of the experts in leading therapy, or recovery, she is a social worker for the VA, but happens to be an amazing mind in Psychology. Once she gets settled and her life gets less complicated, she should be giving orders at the VA in my opinion. She gets it.
I have a memory of sitting down in front of a news camera, and I don't want to blow her up, but I believe she recorded my first official disclosure, I am not too sure what all happened, I was in rough shape, and this was right around when I did my equine therapy, and part of when I remember crying on my Dad's shoulder. I knew then what I was up against, if memory serves me correct the detective from the vulnerable unit squad of Boise PD was there, and Tracy.
This is why victim disclosures need to be taken seriously, especially for children, I had to hide in plain sight my entire life because of this and every time I thought it was safe to be Mikey they thought I was actually being inappropriate because I didn't know better, like no just trying to be funny, I know I can take things pretty far, so I am trying to say I always know how to behave, but if I get to be me, thats when I get to be goofy, if its just me and who I feel comfortable around, like streaming in front of the world, its cause I trust you, thats why I could never let her see me, all of my Coach Rage people from the 2000's can verify this. Let's see,
Derek knows how to put me to sleep because of psychological conditioning, it started off as a joke, but he kept doing the "whoa big fella from the Avengers" if I was being too much and it eventually became a cue for me to chill out with out having to disrupt the harmony. Chris fucking called me a legend when we were in New Orleans. I won $8,000 playing blackjack, and then rented a VIP table for us to watch football all day, they even tracked my play, and trust me I saw the looks on their faces when I tried cashing out. I made huge bets on some games and lost so they got their fucking money back, but next time I am taking 20K from that casino. See you at NARPA 2025 for that one.
Matt even did his fucking laughing in my ear thing to wake me up playing Call of Duty. It was fucking nuts, it made me giggle so much, but he is off being an amazing Dad. Tyler spoke to me at Christmas and mentioned the name of his former business partner when he was interested in owning a gaming esports team. I made Tyler and his friends a private video for his dealership about being the reason Pontiac went under back in the day, he knows Mikey. All of these people do, and all can vouch for me, if I needed them too, but I hate having to feel like a burden cause I do feel like I have been a lot for people, but this is what support from good people looks like. Every step of the process I have put people in place like that, they are called MY TEAM, to be there to help me, because these type of people have always tolerated me, even if I am too much. However, I think I have proven time and time again that I can recall every detail of my life, well the ones that have emotions tied to them at least, I am not perfect all the time, but this is all verifiable.
Part of the process in December, I really did have the two female officers drive me in an unmarked police car to a facility. At NO point was I ever put in handcuffs, and the only issue was the security guard, and since I was essentially ordered to go rest by the judge, I couldn't keep it together, it was the right decision, and I accepted it. I do have issues with them diagnosing me knowing I was taking 500 MG of THC. That I can prove, I purposely took it to make sure that RAGE would not be an issue for the police, all I told them at the start of this is that I would do what I needed to do, they upheld their roles with the keywords to make me feel safe. It is all on their body cameras, and since this is pending criminal charges and all of this is evidence, I don't want to dive down those rabbit holes until this is fully resolved. I think I have earned that.
Side note here for more validation, during a trip to Walla Walla, I had another panic attack with my father present, we were hanging out and I started feeling like I was going to miss him and wanted to make sure I came out on top and not let him down. That was the trigger, so I was taken by ambulance to the local hospital where I refused to pee in a cup because it was just a panic attack that felt like a heart attack. This time at St. Lukes I purposely peed in the cup and the test should show that I had a HUGE amount of THC in me, that test and the court transcripts prove that they referred to the original state examiner's opinion in giving me a diagnoses under those conditions, this is becoming a problem across America.
At the very least if this story is not real then I have a mental illness and so what, I am allowed to write. However if my story is REAL, and I think we made an agreement world, then I am supposed to be the richest person in the world or something, LOL.
You see I can repeat all of this over and over because I experienced it, these thoughts and feelings are things that I live with on a daily basis all the time because I want justice so that I can give my family what we all need, which is closure. We have to heal, in our own way, so I have always been here, I have always been present, and when the time is right I have people around me that do help me. I don't want to drag my mother into a courtroom into Napa to pursue justice, and I don't want to cause anymore pain than what has happened. You see folks, that has been one of the ways she has manipulated me over the years. I have been trying to be nice and let her be, but every time I would try to be the real me, lets just say her trailer trash ass would throw tornados at me like she is casting spells for the witch she is. LOL, I am not trying to be mean, I really am trying to soften the blow for my family, out of respect for their feelings.
People can think what they want of me. I am not crazy, crazy people are not capable of this. However I am calculated.
Regardless of what my Brother told the investigator, even if he didn't support my perspective, I ask you this:
Are you not entertained?! Maybe this is all one creative writing social experiment? Maybe this is the stupidest thing in the world. People don't really ever give me feedback, I know people believe me, I get why people don't. One of my goals here is to raise awareness about mental illness, and I think you all know it does that.
I believe this was always the plan, I can repeat it anytime because its my plan, I created it, and thankfully it has been executed almost perfectly. For those that have supported me and been there since day one, thank you. Those that have doubted me, it is okay, just be better to people, say hi more often.
I am happy. I accept the loss of the relationships until its time, I told my brother over the past few months that when he was ready and could look at me that I would be here waiting, I hope it doesn't take long.
Who is getting NCAA 25? Do I have to explain all the hyperlinks again too? Are you feeling DeJa Vu?
This is me in Time's Square! I want to put an add on a bill board there just to say I have done that.
Thank you,
Mikey