I am angry writing this, but I am not "angry." My abuser's need to be right and think she is the smartest person ever, set off a chain of events that ruined our family. I have been wanting to write a piece on the family dynamics of raising someone with Autism and give you an example of what it looks like when a child gets proper support, treated with respect by the family, and abusers are held accountable compared to the shit I had to put up with.
Just thinking about this pisses me off because I feel robbed of relationships that my bitch abuser ruined. Well let me ask you this bitch, are you happy with the results so far?
Not too long ago my brother pulled his wife aside at the house they just sold and made it a point to show her I was Mikey, they made me feel welcomed and they laughed when I confronted my abuser in front of them and their guest like it was white trash entertainment, he wasn't scared of me then, what changed? When YOUR STEP-SON almost killed my SON when he got drunk & high, it was Mikey who asked the judge for leniency, I wish I would have thrown the book at him instead. There was never a time when my sister and I really got along, she has never respected me and she has enough shit going on that I want nothing to do with, I am just floored that she taught her kids i am a crazy retard, yet who went to college? Who barely graduated high school and is living at home with their parents and kids? Who has one kid who will most likely be a fucking drop out? Here is to National Siblings Day you two, CHEERS, I'll buy you both a round at the failed bar my brother owned.
The joke is on them, they get to take care of my abuser because she is on a downhill slope and there is a good chance she develops dementia. My father, as good of a man as he is, will do his best but it won't be enough, he isn't equipped to handle mental illness, him and my abuser had a hard time taking care of my grandmother that just passed. My sister will be ineffective in helping, thus leaving my brother, who also is not equipped to handle mental illness. What is it my family does when someone with a mental illness is having a crisis and doesn't listen to you? Yell, call names, abuse, and shame them into the behavior you want, degrade them, make them feel less than a person? I am sure its all sounding familiar to them.
This is the dynamic of what my abuser will have to face and given the fact my brother wants to get away from my family and move to New Mexico (last I heard), there is a good chance my father will not be equipped to put up with the bitch any more than he does, so he will get overwhelmed and the idea of a nursing home will be much more appealing. The homes in Idaho suck, lots of abuse, neglect, civil rights violations, and almost no regulation in the industry. Don't get me wrong, I think any type of abuse is wrong, I am just describing my family dynamic and calling this how I see it, I could be wrong.
This brings me to my point of feeling robbed. It didn't have to be this way but my narcissistic abuser insisted she was right and well destroyed her family. She tried having me committed, she crossed the last line of abuse, trying to take my voice yet again. She convinced my siblings I was checked out, and the only person who believed I was Mikey was my father, but I had to fight this fight myself. I asked my brother for help on his front yard to confront her and he said no, I asked him and his wife in a group text and they said no, that I had to be the one to do it, well I did it, where are you guys? I lost my brother because I had to stand up to this bitch or was he manipulating me?
I am angry because my mother Rita, abused me, neglected me, tried to kill me with bleach, and my family covered it up over the years, and when I ask for help I get told to confront her alone, and when I do that, they want nothing to do with me. I got robbed of my brother, we used to actually be friends, then one day he starts contacting women I was dating on facebook (doing my abusers work for her), driving people away from me. Then when I finally started trusting him again in the past five years or so I get betrayed, thanks bitch, fucking parent I mean abuser of the decade right here folks. I will be going nuclear and ruining your marriage if you haven't done it yourself. Does it make sense why I don't trust a lot of people?
For those still here, this is how angry and fixated I can get, its not a permanent emotion, just an emotion I feel when reflecting on this topic, or writing about it. I know other people with my disabilities that feel this angry about things in their own lives too, and on the other end I feel happiness to this level. Writing about my experiences is not easy, I have to relive a lot of it when I think about it, and tonight it has me feeling what I would describe a normal level of angriness. When I get angry at a video game or traffic it is at this level of intensity and goes away when the moment is over, same here. Simple minded people will see a roller coaster of emotions, but I disagree, I know plenty of people without these disabilities that will hang on to anger for far longer than I do. To me, it is "I had an emotion for a moment, now I don't" and then back to regulating at a baseline.
On a happy note, I asked Chat GPT for a marketing plan and gave it a budget. I am now advertising my blog in two ads across America. One ad is a general across America, ages 18-65+, the other I targeted where I live, LA, New York, where a majority of my new DNA relatives live, every "big" city in Idaho if there is such a thing, and Washington D.C., so far the first ad is out performing. I'll keep you posted. I have also started making connections with my relatives from my DNA test, kind of cool, I will eventually share this with them and hope they have seen it advertised (if they hate it i know to DENY, lol), gotta build that rapport first though.
That is all for this one. Till next time.
Thank you,
Mikey