One of the hardest part of what I have been going through is always the aftermath of trying to stand up to her, because everyone needs some space, time, and I can see and feel the emotional pain they are in when they look at me. Every time I would express myself my family would panic because they know I have been seeking JUSTICE my whole life. Every time I started to I would be manipulated by her and I would cave in, and then I would have to start the cycle over again.
Now that I haven't had a panic attack over this, the hardest part is "right now." That means in the aftermath of me standing up I would always feel like I did something wrong and hurt peoples feelings and thats not what I want to do, but it is a part of what comes because we are human. Last time I stood up my "brother" and the man who raised me (I still want him to be my Dad), they told me the reason why they are upset is that it hurts to face me after all these years and realize what they have done.
They thought I was checked out this entire time too, and with her using the leverage from her abusive guardianship, they couldn't help either. I hold no ill will towards them, however they have told me that they need time to process and to me its okay, all I want is for them to come over, love me, hang out, and pick up where we left off.
There was so much I was always trying to do with my "family" but was ignored. I hope that when they recover that they will be willing to still be my Dad & Brother, they are the only ones I have, besides my other "Brothers" out there.
I told them that if they want to be in my life, that they will not be allowed to speak about her around me, and me around her. The future will tell, in the mean time I will be focused on my work and wellness.
Love,
Mikey